talk lit, get hit

is this millennial tumblr classic deeply cringe or devastating? - the fault in our stars by john green

• talk lit, get hit • Season 4 • Episode 14

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as written by the prophet John Green himself “you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world... but you do have some say in who hurts you” and that’s why this month to cover the theme deeply millennial, we’re wading into the unabashed tearjerker and heartbreaking tragedy that is The Fault in our Stars, by John Green.

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join talk lit, get hit podcast for deep dives into the hottest BookTok recommendations, trending contemporary fiction, and literary favourites! each episode features book discussions, spoiler-filled chats, and thoughtful literary analysis of novels everyone is talking about - from viral romance and fantasy to modern classics. whether you’re looking for BookTok book reviews, author interviews, or a virtual book club experience, out podcast is your go-to space for readers who love stories and want to explore them in depth.

talk lit, get hit are reading and recording on Giabal, Jagera, Jarowair & Turrbal lands. we acknowledge the cultural diversity of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples and pay respect to Elders past, present and future. always was, always will be.  

Laura

Hello and welcome to Talk Lit Get Hit, a podcast where we read viral books the Internet won't shut up about and rate them lit or shit.

Bridget

We're your hosts Bridget and Laura, lovers of sad girl fiction and tragic endings, fearers of smart urban fantasy and the Who Did This To You trope. Join us as we pick apart all the books the Internet loves and embark on a journey to figure out why.

Laura

As written by the prophet John Green himself, you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. And that's why this month, to cover the theme Deeply Millennial, we're wading into the unabashed tearjerker and heartbreaking tragedy that is The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Bridget, hello, hello. Hello, hello. I'm so excited to cry. I know. I actually was scared this morning, but I don't know what's happened in the past few hours.

Bridget

I'm ready to cry. Yeah. It's been a few days since I have finished the book, about a week. So I'm due for another devastating, heart-wrenching cry.

Laura

Yes, let it out. How has your month been?

Bridget

I've been busy at work, I've been going on lots of cold walks around the towns and villages. Um I was in a bit of a reading slump for about three weeks. Yeah. I'm blaming Sudoku.

Laura

Okay.

Bridget

Blocked it now. Forbidden Sudoku. And Outlander. Yeah. I've been watching a lot of the World Cup. I played lawn bowls. I won the first game and then I lost every other game. Oh. But it was kind of nice because we all got a turn at winning, I think. So we were all just bad. You proved your point and then you bowed out Graceful. I was like, whatever. And then there was this drunk guy named Trevor who was like, Can I have a go? And I was like, Yeah, man, take my go. I'm sick of it. So that was good. Haven't been reading much because of the aforementioned reading slump, but I did read The Other Bennett Sister by Janice Hadlow. I love this book so much. I love the TV show so much. I have now watched it three times. It's a great companion read. I don't know if I would have loved it as much if I hadn't seen the TV show. It might have felt like a bit of a slog. I'm not sure. I think it's truly like the definition of a cozy read for me, that and Twilight. I have my two cozy books.

Laura

I couldn't think of more than one, so you're you're better than me. Yeah. How about you? Yeah, my month's been lovely. I have been also going on lovely winter morning walks. I went on a little trip to Cedar Creek, which is a spot out past Sanford and Brisbane. I've tried a few new coffee shops and secondhand bookstores. So a few that I would recommend in Brisbane are Cafe Disco, Ugly Coffee, the Kenilworth Bakery, but the Samford chapter, because that's just the one that I've tried. And I also went to the secondhand bookstore a page or two in Corinda. It's just everything you want out of a secondhand bookstore. It smells musty, it's cluttered, it's crowded, it's like a true treasure trove. It was delightful. I saw a couple of movies that I enjoyed. I saw the horror film of the moment Obsession, and I really, really liked that and was really scared. I think as many girls are reporting online at some point throughout the movie, Brown looked over at me and was like, that's you. So rude, but I'm willing to accept it. Um and if that makes him the villain, I'm okay with that. And I also saw The Devil Wears Prada 2. Um, I think The Devil Wears Prada was probably like one of my most formative films. Um I thrashed that DVD. I cannot tell you how much I loved it, how much I thought I could rock a blunt fringe in a paperboy cap. Like it, oh, it's just so iconic. And so I didn't think that The Devil Wears Prada 2 could even hold a candle to it, but I actually had a great time watching it. It's obviously not as good, but it's still good. I read a few different books, but two that I would recommend: A Mother Mary Comes to Me by R and Daddy Roy. And that was especially interesting to read not long after reading The God of Small Things. She has such an interesting life. It was about her really complicated relationship with her mother and then like just sort of reflections on her life. She's just the most amazing writer. It was so captivating and like such a complicated story told with so much earnestness. I read Almost Life by Kieran Millwood Hargrave. This was listed as for fans of one day and normal people. So obviously, I was ready to be devastated and like enticed. Um, this was a story about two young women that meet in Paris and it's their like decades-spanning, enduring, devastating love affair. That does sound absolutely incredible. Yeah, I think you'd enjoy it. And then lastly, I read Broken Country by Claire Leslie Hall. And I'd read somewhere that this could potentially fill the hole left by The Paper Palace by Miranda Cowley Heller. That's a case that didn't sit right with me, but anyway, this book was good. It wasn't great. I see why people are drawing those parallels, but there's definitely something like a little bit self-important or like self-referential about this writing. I don't know. I really didn't like the female protagonist. I liked the vibe. I would recommend it. I have complicated feelings. But anyway, I'll chuck that one in there for a third option. I had so much fun recommending skincare in our last Talk Lit With Us five episode that I thought I would throw in a few random recs from my month.

Bridget

You got a taste of being an influencer and you can't stop.

Laura

You can't, they tried to cage me. You want more? United date. That's exactly how I feel. So my first rec is a YouTube channel. Um, it's called Two People Cooking by Chuck Cruz and Hailey Catalano.

Bridget

These are people that make the sandwiches. Yes.

Laura

Yes, I'm sure people in certain circles on TikTok um will have seen Chuck andor Haley. They both independently create their own food content. Their individual cooking is like quite different from the cozy cooking they do together, but they do like Friday night dinner cooking videos. They are so cozy and calming and fun. And I just think like they're both professional chefs. It just feels like sitting at the kitchen island watching your friends cook. It's really, really nice. My husband and I are both two people that love to cook and we love to cook together. So it's really fun and inspiring to watch what they cook and think about, at least. At least think about replicating it. Always so yum. My second rec is my brand new Keep Cup commuter cup.

Bridget

That was really well done. Thank you. I don't think I could say that.

Laura

We already know that I'm a big fan of my fresco cup, but it is a little small. I got it when I was like in my long black drinking era. And it is the perfect size for that. But sometimes when you're in the mood for an iced drink or something a little more hearty in that cup, then you need a bigger size. So yes, I've been putting soup in my keep cup, sucking it up through the straw. You said it. Anyway. You said hearty. No, enough. I defy the allegations. I'm moving on. This cup, I just think there's a reason the keep cup has become like nanofied. They are the original, they are the best. This cup has not leaked. I've put it in all sorts of unusual situations. That's incredible. Upside down, sideways, in the bag, in the pocket, on the car seat, whatever. It's holding up really well. So if you're in the market for a new Keep Cup, that's my recommendation. And then lastly, just an exciting announcement that there is finally new music from Carly Ray Jepson. She announced a double album to be coming out. She released a film clip alongside this song, and she has really fantastic, like luxurious hair. But I've seen people saying that she looks like a yassified Philomena Kunk, which I don't disagree. And I think she would welcome it. You gotta see it. It's exactly the vibe. That's so funny. But I just think what a woman, like you can have it all. When I saw she was pregnant, I rapidly googled Carly Ray Jepsen Age. Um, and I think she might be in her 40s now.

Bridget

For real?

Laura

Yeah. And then I'm a big fan of the Australian band Parcels, but one of the members has just released a solo project. Comments on this announcement were really vicious. Like, you know, Paul never released solo music until after the Beatles split up. Like, okay, who's the Yoko? Like people really couldn't handle it. But the solo's delight.

Bridget

Who who is Parcels? They're not the Beatles.

Laura

It's okay. Like we've transcended. We support our friends. Oh my god, people are insane. Yeah, everyone was tweaking, and I really didn't expect that from their fan base. But I guess fans do be crazy. Yeah. It's the one unifying thing across all fan data. That's true. The guy is Noah Hill. He is releasing music under the name Noah Hill. And who is Yoko? I mean, it's the question on everyone's lips. I don't have the answers right now, but when I find out, yeah, I'll be deadly.

Bridget

This month our theme is deeply millennial. It is a criticism that we have had leveled to us by one of our haters. It's true. I'm still not letting that go. Don't bring that up. I repressed that thing. I'm sorry. If I have to live it every day, you have to live it every day. I fully subscribe to the belief of Robert Pattinson that you're only as millennial as you believe you are. Shame. But today we're going all in. We're going full mustache tattoo on the finger, skinny jeans, exposed brick. Yeah, blood by the Middle East playing in the background of everything we do. All that to say, this month we're reading the millennial book, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Before we get stuck into that, do you have any ultimate millennial books that you would recommend?

Laura

I mean, I am waiting for the day that we cover the perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky on the show. I think that falls so magnificently into this category. We have done some other episodes that are deeply millennial books. We've covered Divergent. I guess we haven't really covered the Hunger Games, but we've done episodes on The Ballad of Song Birds and Snakes and Sunrise on the Reaping, Looking for Alaska, The Twilight Saga. Even our Sally Rooney episode would probably fall somewhat into this category. She is the what was it? Snapchat for the millennial. Yeah, the salinger for the Snapchat generation. Yeah, that's right. She is the Salinger for the Snapchat generation. I mean, Gen Z do love Snapchat. I'm shocked by this.

Bridget

Yeah, I thought it would have been past its peak by now.

Laura

Yeah. How about you?

Bridget

I found it hard to be trying to think millennial in a non-derogatory way.

Laura

Yes. So not red, white, and royal blue. Yeah.

Bridget

Oh yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, that's another one. And also another one that I thought of was Everything I Know About Love, Darley Alderton.

Laura

Yes.

Bridget

It's very millennial book.

Laura

It is.

Bridget

But then other books that we haven't covered on the podcast that I really enjoyed would be books like Seeing Other People by Diana Reed. The Rachel Incident by Caroline O'Donohue. I think that would be like millennial. I'm pretty sure it was sent in the 90s. A bit older than us, but you know, the vibes are still there. Such a Fun Age by Kylie Reed is often touted as like the millennial book. Um Green Dot by Madeline Gray was fantastic. And No Hard Feelings by Genevieve Novak. Or Crushing by Genevieve Novak as well. I think when I think about millennial literary fiction, I'm thinking like Girl in her late 20s, early 30s, shit job, shit men around her, good friends, you know, some sort of crisis in her personal life. And that's what I'm thinking of when I'm thinking of millennial fiction. Gen Z fiction is yet to make an appearance in my mind. I don't know. I could just be like, you know, self-inserting into books and because I'm like technically a millennial. No, no.

Laura

I think you've hit the nail on the head. It's like, I think that genre of book you're describing is like the other side of the coin of the millennial experience. Like you have the like Disney adult papas, doggo, married young, like wearing suspenders type of millennial. But then there's the millennial that doesn't have it figured out and they still feel young, they're like confused about their place in the world. I think those books really represent that.

Bridget

Yeah, you're so right, actually.

Laura

You're right.

Bridget

Are you a genius? You a genius.

Laura

Well then let's just get into it. I think now's the right time to share our initial thoughts, expectations, hopes, and dreams heading into The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. We did actually have a preview of your experience reading this in our Looking for Alaska episode. I'd love to hear it again all the same. Oh, okay. If I must play the clip.

Bridget

First of all, I'll have to say that I was scared of the tears that I knew were coming. I don't feel like I have uh emotionally grown enough in the last 15 years or however long it's been that I could like get through this book without crying. I originally bought this book when I was about 18 in a ferry terminal in Wales. I didn't know anything about it. I was on this trip around the UK and parts of Europe, hadn't seen the sun for about three weeks, anaemic. Plagued with like some kind of English winter lurgy. I think it was the plague. It was awful. I read it on the ferry and in the hotel room, devastated and distraught in Dublin at 2 a.m. That is such a visceral picture. Sick, freezing, devastating. Um and then I moved on with my life. Yeah. Didn't read it again. I thought I'm gonna put that away. I saw the movie a few years later, and I will always remember the regret I felt for going to see it at like two o'clock in the afternoon. I had to leave the cinema with a red, puffy face. I'm pretty sure I went into the bathroom and like pushed open the door and someone went, ugh. Because I looked a treat, I'm sure. So haven't read it or watched it since. I was thinking I might be kind of rolling my eyes at it, finding it a bit cringe, you know, these pretentious teenagers that I remember them being. I was hoping it would be more like my experience reading Looking for Alaska, like just being utterly enamoured by it. And I also was thinking about what I was into at the time that the book of the movie were coming out, and I remember there was a YouTuber that I was really obsessed with around the time the movie came out, and her name was Jamie McDell. And she wrote this song, like inspired by the movie, and put it on YouTube and made like her own little film clip for it using clips from the movie. And she's like a small New Zealand artist, like singer-songwriter kind of country, I don't know, folk pop kind of vibes. I was really obsessed with this song. It was called It's Time. Maybe like five or so years later, she came to Toowoomba as a support act for another band. And I was like, I'm so excited to see, like, I love her songs. And unfortunately, I got so drunk accidentally before the show that I went there. I don't remember a second of her singing, but I was so drunk that I was too scared to be shy. And I was like, I love you, and like I got a photo with her, and I was like, Yeah.

Laura

Hopefully, that's a really nice memory for her.

Bridget

Yeah, hopefully. Because I have no memory of it. I just know there's a photo, and I know that Soberme wouldn't have done that. So, yeah.

Laura

Highs and lows. How about you? Um, I was also looking forward to crying. I wasn't sure if it would live up to Alaska if that was like a one-time event, um, like a sort of grace period for John Green, and then after that I wouldn't enjoy him anymore. I remember reading it on a camping trip when I was maybe like 19 or 20, and it was sort of a period of time where I'd gotten back into reading, and I had read American Psycho, and then I was like, let's move on to another light bit of fiction, this little silly little YA novel. And like obviously I was aware of it, like I was on Tumblr, but I just didn't know how hard it was gonna hit me. I remember sweltering in the tent on the not a summer, that's awful. On the um stretcher bed with my scratchy little blanket, like sobbing. My eyes were raw and red, so I feel your pain. The movie devastated me as well. Also, I haven't watched or read them or even like really seen anything about them in years, so I'd kind of forgotten it.

Bridget

Just as you have a say in Who Hurts You, you also have a say in Who Gives You Spoilers for the Fault in Our Stars by John Green. This episode will be full of them. In fact, it would light up Oh my god. Didn't read it for I started. In fact, it would light up like a Christmas tree if held under a spoiler detecting machine. If you'd like to avoid them, stop right here. Subscribe to the show and come back when you're ready to listen.

Laura

Content warnings for this episode include discussions of cancer, death, and medical content.

Bridget

Despite the tumour-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal. Her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis.

Laura

But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kids Support Group, Hazel's story is about to be completely rewritten.

Bridget

Laura, we have finished reading the book. I would love to know your after-reading thoughts about the Fault in the Stars.

Laura

I actually don't have any critical thoughts. Like I have not thought about this once. I just feel like I snapped it shut, tears streaming down my face, cried for like 20 minutes, and like let it all wash away and never thought about it again.

Bridget

I can't. I actually can't think about it more than more than I have to. I took a photo of my face and like the face is crying, but also I can see on my shirt where the tears have come to lay.

Laura

Yeah, we both have a crying picture. We should post them with the like episode release. Yeah, great idea.

Bridget

I just think John Green is the voice of our generation.

Laura

Yeah.

Bridget

Or the voice of a generation. Incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Laura

Yeah, I'm completely obsessed with him. I almost see this work as faultless. I'm scared to persevere reading more of his books in case I start becoming like an absolute manic fan.

Bridget

I'm also scared if I hate them because I don't remember the other ones at all. I know I've read an abundance of Catherine's, I know I've read Paper Towns. I think this is the one that had the biggest impact on me. It would be interesting to see how I feel about those other ones. And I haven't read either of his nonfiction books, and I know that he has a new one coming out. Interesting journey we're going to go on, I think.

Laura

It is an interesting journey, and I think a great segue into talking about John Green. We spoke at length about John Green and our looking for Alaska episode. So I think there's no real need to go into it today. If you would like to know the like minor details of his life, or the major, depending on how you feel. A little bit of something, something about a YouTube, we don't know, we never watched it. Never cared to watch it. Something about Tumblr. You can find that in our Looking for Alaska episode available wherever you're listening to this one. But you did mention that he has a new novel coming out, and this is exciting because it's his first novel in nine years. He has written non-fiction works like The Anthropocene Reviewed and Everything is Tuberculosis, but this is his first work of fiction and also his first novel for adults. So it's called Hollywood Ending. It's out on the 22nd of September 2026, and it's about rising young actors Kai and Juniper being cast in a buzzy biopic. Andy Warhol never gets old, they're on the verge of breaking out, they're falling in love, the movie is blowing up, but their lives are changing in exciting but terrifying ways. I think I'm excited to read this.

Bridget

Yeah. I was excited until I just read Hold through your point of view.

Laura

Yeah. I have read males written by John Green. Yeah, true. And they're not the worst. And he writes a female quite well as well. I don't see John Green writing a character that's like her tits overflowed from the top of her dress, and I could see all that ass as she swung her hips. Crabable ass. Yeah. That sounds exciting, but back to the task at hand. The Fault in Our Stars was released on the 10th of January 2012. It has so many accolades. It was the Time magazine's number one fiction book of 2012. It was the number one New York Times bestseller, number one Wall Street Journal bestseller, number one Indie bestseller, number one USA Today bestseller, and number one international bestseller. And those were just the bestseller awards. Yeah.

Bridget

I think it honestly is the book that has made me cry the most as well. So number one book that made Bridget cry. I can't think of another one that I've had such an emotional reaction to. I can't either. I know I'd be crying. Yeah.

Laura

But like how much? Yeah.

Bridget

Not as much as it is. I don't think so.

Laura

All the time as well. Like, not just at the big sad thing. No. Yeah.

Bridget

No. John Green has said that he was inspired to write The Fault in Our Stars after his time working as a student chaplain. And he said the kids that he met were funny and bright and angry and dark and just as human as anybody else. I really wanted to try to capture that. I felt that the stories that I was reading sort of oversimplified and sometimes even dehumanized them. I wanted to argue for humanity, their complete humanity. A quote from John Green says, I tried to write that book for almost 10 years. Ever since I worked as a chaplain, I would go back. I was trying to work on what I called the children's hospital story. Although in all of its previous incarnations, it starred this 22-year-old hospital chaplain who was like surprisingly handsome and like hooking up with the doctors. It was very embarrassing. But you know, I would go back to that story and go back to it and go back to it. Then in 2010, a good friend of mine died of cancer, a young friend. And I went back to the story and I went back to it angry and needing to work.

Laura

I just got chills.

Bridget

And so this young friend that died was a 16-year-old named Esther Earle, who died of thyroid cancer in 2010. Esther Earle was part of the Vlogbrothers community online. After she died, he wrote the book, and the book is dedicated to her. Something that I didn't know was that the title was inspired by a line from Shakespeare, uh, specifically Act 1, Scene 2 of Julius Caesar, where it says, Men at some time were masters of their fates. The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.

Laura

Yeah, I didn't really know that either, but then it's in the book. And when I read it, I was sort of like, oh, of course. Yeah, obviously last time I was too busy crying. Oh, it's a crushing line. And I I don't know. For some reason that just really gets me.

Bridget

Yeah, and I don't think, like up until reading this for the podcast, I don't think I've ever really considered the title, but it is a beautiful title.

Laura

When the title is contextualized, I think it makes it so much more devastating.

Bridget

There's a lot of things in this book that I think went over my head the first time I read it, or maybe they've just like, you know, left my memory or whatever. I'm sure we'll talk about them later, but a lot of very smart choices made by John Green that I didn't get. Yes. It has been adapted into an American feature film directed by Josh Boone, starring Shailen Woodley and Ansel Elgort.

Laura

How do you say his name? I don't know, but even if he hadn't turned out to be a freaky little imp, I would hate this man based on his name alone. It's awful names. Get a better name, I don't understand it. I don't understand it either. Ansel. I feel like that's like a toilet hygiene brand. Like they they do like um bulk sanitary clogging or something. Yeah. Ansel like sanitizers and like sanitary bins or something.

Bridget

Yeah, it's I don't think it's a name that flows off the tongue in an Australian accent. Ansel Elgort. I think maybe if you're American. Ansel Elgort. Maybe a bit. Barely, but Ansel Elgort is awful. Sorry, Ansel. Actually, no, you're a bad person.

Laura

Yeah.

Bridget

I'm sorry. Allegedly.

Laura

My bad.

Bridget

My bad.

Laura

Okay, Bridget. I think we have to do it. I think we have to be brave. Everyone listening, I hope you're ready for tears. I hope you're ready to cry along with us. And I hope that you have patience for when we're gagging on our own cheese. Let's start by talking about Hazel Grace Lancaster. Yeah, let's keep the tears away for a little bit, I think. Speak for yourself. Okay, we'll see. We're ready to cry. Okay.

Bridget

How do you feel about Hazel Grace? I think Hazel Grace is a great narrator. I loved being in her head. I really don't have any criticisms about Hazel, which is crazy because I thought that if there were to be anyone, it would be her. Because, you know, a teenage narrator can be quite annoying. I love the simplicity with which she will talk about the most devastating things. Yeah. Love her. How do you feel about Hazel Grace?

Laura

I also love Hazel Grace. I was so immediately like charmed and captivated by her voice. She was so dry and so funny. And even though I just read the opening paragraph of the book, when it got to some of the sections like on page two, three, whatever, where she's talking about being in the literal heart of God at Cancer Kids Support Group, I was sort of like, hang on, she's so funny. Like, is this Gus? Like, is this actually from Gus's point of view? Like, am I remembering incorrectly? And I love that. Like, she doesn't pull any punches. One example was so here's how it went in God's heart. The six or seven or ten of us walked slash wheeled in, grazed at a decrepit selection of cookies and lemonade, sat down in the circle of trust, and listened to Patrick recount for the thousandth time his depressing, miserable life story. How he had cancer in his balls and they thought he was gonna die, but he didn't die. And now here he is, a full-grown adult in a church basement in the 137th, nicest city in America, divorced and addicted to video games, mostly friendless, eking out a meager living by exploiting his cancer-tastic past, slowly working his way toward a master's degree that will not improve his career prospects, waiting, as we all do, for the sword of Damocles to give him the relief that he escaped those many years ago when cancer took both of his nuts but spared what only the most generous soul would call his life. And you too might be so lucky. And then later on that page she says, like, I realize that this is irrational, but when they tell you that you have, say, a 20% chance of living five years, the maths kicks in and you figure out that's one in five. So you look around and think, as any healthy person would, I gotta outlast four of these bastards. I loved it so much. I really thought she was such an amazing narrator. And I cannot believe that a man was able to craft. And I don't mean that, like I know what I'm saying that it sounds like so man-hating. Yes. But like I couldn't, I don't think I could craft, like me as a 32-year-old woman, I'm constantly thinking I don't know how to speak like a teenager. I don't know how I could go back to those feelings and capture them. And I just don't know how John Green was able to capture so perfectly, I think, the feelings of a 16-year-old girl in this book.

Bridget

Captured the feeling, like the essence of a 16-year-old girl just living her life, but also when she develops the crush and like falls in love with Augustus, like all of that is so accurate. I think so too.

Laura

Actually, I had quite a few quotes highlighted in relation to that, where I was like, how does he know that we say that? Like, how does he know that we think that? I wonder what his process was sort of like sensitivity reads, or like, you know, who he had in his circle, or who his editor was that was like, Yes, John, great choice. Like on page 66, there's one quote where Gus has been reading Hazel's favorite book in all the world, An Imperial Affliction. And he says, I've been waiting until I could form a coherent thought in Ari, an imperial affliction, and then in brackets it says, He said in Ari, he really did, that boy. That feels like a tumbler post. Yeah. I know I would have been so chuffed by something like that. Oh, same. Well, there's another quote on page 31 where she says, I liked Augustus Waters. I really, really, really liked him. I liked the way his story ended with someone else. I liked his voice. I liked that he took existentially fraught free throws. I liked that he was a tenured professor in the department of slightly crooked smiles with a dual appointment in the department of having a voice that made my skin feel more like skin. And I liked that he had two names. Skin that feels more like skin. Crooked smiles, like that's a slice out of Twilight.

Bridget

Like it really is. One of the best examples of her being a teenager, or like him being able to ride a teenager really well, is the discussion about always. You know, we're seeing Isaac and Monica. They're making out in the literal heart of Jesus, or like against the wall of the literal heart of Jesus. They're making out and they take quick breaks from making out to just whisper always to each other. And she's like, What's with this? This is crazy. And Augusta says, always is their thing, they'll always love each other and whatever. I would conservatively estimate they have texted each other the word always four million times in the last year. About 50 pages after this, they're, you know, they're sort of flirting a lot, they're on the phone a lot, and they've got to go to sleep. It's almost one o'clock in the morning, and they just say okay, and they just keep saying okay to each other. Augustus says, Okay, maybe okay will be out always. She says, okay. And I loved that so much because Hazel is a cool girl. Like she's cool in the way that she's not up with the kids, she doesn't know what's trending, but she's cool because she knows herself, she knows what she likes. But at the same time, she kind of wants to be a cool, cool girl, if you know what I mean. Like she wants to have that relationship where it's like always, always, always. She's kind of too cool for it. But in making fun of it and making it into their own thing, this is the way that she can have that and still be a cool girl.

Laura

That's so true.

Bridget

And I love that so much. Like, I think that's a line that always kind of gets made fun of, or like that's a part of the book that gets made fun of. But I think that's a great display of who they are as people because they want that love story, but they're just a bit too cool for that. That's a deft touch. Yeah.

Laura

Oh, that is good. So good. I think the cool girl thing is something that John Green was repeatedly reinforcing. I mean, I thought it was obvious in the book, but in his expansive FAQ section on his website, lots of people were like, Oh, Hazel's so awkward. How did she land gus? Or, like, you know, why does Hazel do this and that? And in response, he was often like, I've always had the idea that Hazel is a very well-liked and popular person. She just happens to have cancer. Like, she's just been pulled from school. This is just what happened to her, but she's a very likable, cool person. She's smart, she's funny, witty, pretty. Yeah. I remember at the time, and I probably made the same criticism myself, but so many people were saying Hazel is a Merry Sue. Side note, I feel like no one throws that around anymore. No one gives a shit. Like every female character in the romance slot that we read on the podcast would, by the 2012 standard, be considered a Merry Sue. Everyone likes them, they're good at doing things, they maybe have like one minor fallibility that's like they're clumsy or they're like, I don't know, tiny. So they're just so small they can't pick up things with their miniature little plastic hands. Like I remember people saying this all the time, and I just don't see it. No. I think she's just living her life. Yeah, like there are those things that are cringy, like her outrage that you can't have curry for breakfast in America, or like when her and Gus are wanging on with all of that like nonsense about the different flavours in the meal and how special the food is, and they're just like off on their own tangent. It's cringe to read. Yeah. But teenagers are so cringe, and I think that's you know, I would have said that unfortunately.

Bridget

Same. And like what else are they gonna talk? Like, what do you expect them to talk about? They're dying, like they're actively dying. Let them talk about the ghettoization of food.

Laura

Yes, it's just nonsense. Yeah, and honestly, that's all teenagers have when they're carving out a personality, to be honest.

Bridget

Yeah, trying out different things, seeing what works. Yeah.

Laura

I mean, you would know this from your job, and I sometimes have this at work as well when a group of teens, I can tell they're like fresh out of school and they're like little nervous horses, like all like no, they're like little nervous dogs in the dog park, like all standing around each other. And to eavesdrop on their conversations is this like really painful exchanging of ideas where everybody is just sort of saying stuff to each other, like and they'll cover big topics and they'll cover stupid topics. They'll be like, How do you feel about drugs? And then suddenly they're like saying these crazy things about that, but then also they're like, I love spaghetti, like that's still one that gets wheeled out. I don't think that's any different to what we were reading in this book.

Bridget

No, I think teenagers now are exactly the same as this, it's just like maybe the vocab's a bit different.

Laura

Yeah.

Bridget

And like also, if you think about the other dumb shit the teenagers talk about, like when we were at school, people would be playing the game, or they would be like they'd be saying things about Bob. Or like, you know, they'd be, I don't know, like laughing about the number 69. And like that shit is so like that is the real stupid shit the teenagers talk about. At least this stuff's interesting, at least it's like an original thought.

unknown

Yeah.

Bridget

You know?

Laura

Stupid. Well, let's know Charlie the unicorn. Well the lemonade stand up.

Bridget

Yes. We were different, okay. We have been circling around this topic, I think, for a little bit now, a bit like circling the drain. But I think it's time to talk about Augustus Waters, the ultimate manic pixie dream boy.

Laura

Oh, don't say that. Don't. Please.

Bridget

How did you feel about Augustus?

Laura

I mean, to drag it straight to some 2026 vocabulary, I thought Gus was an absolute Rizzler. Same. Like he had me flawed, hooked, obsessed. Oh, all everything you said would have worked on me. Yes.

Bridget

I'd be like obsessed with him.

Laura

So honestly, being called by my first and middle name was my ultimate dream. Still never achieved, by the way. Thanks for nothing, Brown.

Bridget

I think the first time that I was like unexpectedly flawed by his charm was on page 34. He's asked Hazel for her favourite book, and she's telling him about this book called An Imperial Affliction. And he says, I'm going to read this terrible book with the boring title that does not contain Stormtroopers. And I was like, I don't remember it. I don't remember this. This part of the story, like it's so much of their relationship, and I guess the rest of the story stems from this moment where he's like, Tell me about the things that you love, and I'm gonna love them too. It made me feel a bit like Augustus in Beach Read, where he says to January, I have read your books. And we thought that was like the hottest line ever. And I feel like this is the young adult version of that. And he's called Gus. And he's called Gus.

Laura

I love when he takes her back to his house after support group, and he's trying to skulk down to the basement. He tells his parents that he and Hazel are going to watch Viva Vendetta so she can see her filmic doppelganger. And his dad says the living room TV is all yours. And Gus says, I think we're actually gonna watch it in the basement. His dad laughed, good try, living room. In his FAQs, someone was like, But what was Gus going to do with what was he gonna do with her? John Green was like, make out, I think. He said, But I want to show Hazel Grace the basement. Just Hazel, I said, So show just Hazel the basement and then come upstairs and watch her movie in the living room. Cute. I think we need to go back a little bit and talk about like the actual introduction of Gus because it is one of the more iconic moments of this book, I think. As you mentioned, he is like the manic pixie dream boy of this book, which is a nice inversion of the trope. They meet at the support group. Gus has come to support his friend Isaac, and he is just staring at her. He's just looking at her from across this circle. He's not breaking eye contact. From the start, he is rizzing her up so hard. He says this section is after Gus is just looking hard at Hazel. What I asked. Nothing he said. Why are you looking at me like that? Augustus half smiled. Because you're beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence. A brief, awkward silence ensued. Augustus ploughed through. I mean, particularly given that, as you so deliciously pointed out, all this will end in oblivion and everything. He then tells her she's like the millennial Natalie Portman, like V for Vendetta Natalie Portman. Hazel says she's never seen it. And Augustus says, Really? Pixie haired, gorgeous girl dislikes authority and can't help but fool for a boy she knows is trouble. It's your autobiography, so far as I can tell. I thought that was very trope aware. And then of course in their initial meeting scene, we have the iconic scene I was actually alluding to before I distracted myself. It's when Gus puts a cigarette in his mouth and Hazel's like, great, you frickin' ruined it. That's disgusting. And he says, They don't kill you unless you light them. And I've never lit one. It's a metaphor. See? Put the killing thing right between your teeth and don't give it the power to do its killing. It's a metaphor. I said dubious. It's so cringy. It's so cringy. Iconic though. It's so good. Love it.

Bridget

When I read it, I was like rolling my eyes with a smile on my face. Yes. Absolutely. I'm a big believer in metaphor. Hazel Grace. He is a boy trying to be this like grandiose man. He like knows he probably doesn't have much time left and he's like grasping it. A way to make it like the great love story of the time, or you know, make his mark on the world or whatever. But I just also think sometimes he just he's just a bit funny as well. Like on page 56, Hazel's gone to his house because Isaac's having a bit of a breakdown because he's got a friend stumped him and he's about to go blind. Um fair enough. In that order. And she's wearing a dress and he says, You look nice. Girls think they're only allowed to wear dresses on formal occasions. But I like a woman who says, you know, I'm going over to see a boy who's having a nervous breakdown. A boy whose connection to the sense of sight itself is tenuous, and gosh dang it, I'm gonna wear a dress for him.

Laura

There's so many words to say as well.

Bridget

So many words.

Laura

It's a little bit milady. It is a little bit milady, yeah.

Bridget

And if he wasn't hot, it would be. That's the thing. And I think she says that in some point. Like it if it was a person who wasn't good looking, it would kind of be an assault. Which might be a bit problematic to say in 2026, but I goes can't have ruse. And then another time creating the ad for the swing set, she suggests a title for the ad, which is Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children. And he says, That's why I like you. Do you realize how rare it is to come across a hot girl who creates an adjectival version of the word pedophile? You are so busy being you that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are. What a nice thing to say, like crazy thing to say. Yes. But what a nice thing to say. I mean, it would be nice to hear. And then Hazel says, I took a deep breath through my nose. There was never enough air in the world, but the shortage was particularly acute in that. And then I also thought his declaration of love was just really beautiful. On the plane, they're like reading, she's reading poetry or like reciting poetry from memory because they can't sleep. They've taken sleeping pills, might be a little bit woozy, but he says, I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and then we're all doomed, and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.

Laura

Oh it's so beautiful. I also thought maybe Brown ripped a little bit of his wedding vows from the dust. Because that sounded kind of familiar. He said something about our bones being turned to dust. Could be from West Books. Nice work. When they were on that plane and he was acting a little out of sorts when she'd leaned against his shoulder and it had seemed to cause him pain. When he'd had that argument with his parents, I felt like it was unfolding anew. Like I was realizing it for the first time. Like, no, no, no, this can't be happening. That's haunting. Yeah. That's awful. It was like even though I knew what was coming, it still hit me like a ton of bricks.

Bridget

I was actually wondering about the reveal and how you felt about it, particularly because the night before he told her they lost their virginity to each other. I didn't really have any particular feelings about it. I thought that maybe I'd be a bit more outraged than I was, like the fact that he didn't tell her and like all this like really heavy stuff is going on. How did you feel about that?

Laura

I feel like I also didn't think about it too much and have any feelings about it because I sort of thought the more that I inquired about it, maybe the more complicated feelings I would have. And I kind of didn't want to have complicated feelings, I just wanted to feel sad. And so I don't know because it's not like he's led her there under false pretenses. And I think if Hazel knew that Gus was dying, she probably would have gone to Amsterdam still. Because I think that he would have been able to convince her that it was the right thing for both of them. Because, like, he's said to this point that he wants his life to have a purpose, he wants it to have a meaning. He doesn't want to have died feeling like he's done nothing for anyone. And I think this is his grand gesture, like this is his purpose. Yeah. Then again, she's so selfless, so maybe she wouldn't have wanted to make him more sick, or maybe she would have, you know, been able to delude herself.

Bridget

I kind of landed on like she didn't care about it, so I don't think I care about it. Up until that point, she had been holding back in their relationship because she thought that she was going to be the one that's true, yeah, that died first. And I think that was what was holding her back from like saying I love you or even letting herself feel those feelings. So I don't know, maybe if she'd known, maybe she would have fallen a bit headfirst sooner.

Laura

I think they still would have had sex if she knew.

Bridget

Oh yeah, I 100% agree. Yeah.

Laura

So I don't think it was like some sort of devastating like manipulation or anything like that. Gus's descent into illness, and yeah, buckle up where I meant to talk about it. It is like one of the most devastating things, and probably all the more devastating the more I think about it, and the more I read about it, and also like the more quotes from John Green about it that I see. This sort of like latent devastation started quite gently for me. There were some questions on his website about Gus's name. So, where did the name Augustus? Come from John Green said he was some sort of Roman emperor. It was like an epic name, it was a giant name. One line from John Green that really punched me in the gut and left me for dead was that he said, Hazel calls him Gus more as she knows him better, as the manic pixie dream boy falls away and she comes to know and grapple with and love this fragile, desperate, beautiful boy. That was devastating. And then another line he had about Gus's name was that waters. There's a lot of water in the book. Key moments occur in a city famous for its canal, a city basically the engineers built by pulling away the water. And Hazel is herself a person surviving thanks to doctors pulling away the water in her lungs. Hazel explicitly makes this connection at one point, calling herself Dr. Maria's Amsterdam.

Bridget

I think water is an interesting theme for the book. There is a line on page 313 that is in Augustus' letter to the author, like requesting he write a like an obituary for Hazel because he feels like, and actually, what a bar this is. He says, Maybe I'm not such a shitty writer, but I can't pull my ideas together, Van Houten. My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations. If I write that, I'd be like, Yeah, that's it for me. I'm done. Um, anyway, after his PET scan, Hazel at that time was in the ICU and he snuck in to see her while she was unconscious. And a nurse guy came in, told me I had to leave, that visitors weren't allowed, and I asked if she was still doing okay. And the guy said, She's still taking on water, a desert blessing, an ocean curse. Very beautiful.

Laura

That's so beautiful. I didn't pick up on that. There was a section of the book towards the end when Gus is really sick, and this is when it I think this was like when I really started to lose it. And I was sitting on the couch, tears streaming down my face. Brown's sister came home. I kept crying. She was there talking about her day, talking about this and that. I could not hear a word of it. All I could hear was the sound of like my own sobs choking in my ears, like boogers streaming down my face.

Bridget

Yeah, I kept being like, okay, I just need to I uh because we were going out somewhere and I was like, no, I've I've I've got to get up. And I just kept reading. I couldn't stop.

Laura

I actually had like a trembling lip too, because I was like trying to pull it together. I don't think I've ever had that before, but it was like quaking.

Bridget

I was like face in pillow sobbing.

Laura

Well, this section's really gonna do it for you. I'm ready. He looked up at me. It was horrible. I could hardly look at him. The Augustus waters of the crooked smiles and unsmoked cigarettes was gone, replaced by this desperate, humiliated creature sitting there beneath me. This was when he's gone to buy a pack of cigarettes, which is probably he's really sick by this point and he's called Hazel late at night. He's driven out to a petrol station in an attempt to buy cigarettes, in an attempt to kind of reclaim some agency in his life. When she finds him, he's covered in his own vomit, hands pressed to his belly where the G tube went in. She's looking at the tube, she thinks it's infected. She looks at him, he's begging her not to call the ambulance, and she knows it's the right thing to do. She pulls out her phone and dials 911. He says, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate this, I hate this, I disgust myself, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Just let me fucking die.

Bridget

Oh no.

Laura

Okay, I'll try my best. According to the conventions, I don't think I can do it. You could do it. According to the conventions of genre, Augustus Waters kept his sense of humour till the end, did not for a moment waver in his courage, and his spirit soared like an indomitable eagle until the world itself could not contain his joyous soul. But this was the truth. A pitiful boy who desperately wanted not to be pitiful, screaming and crying.

Bridget

Oh no.

Laura

Screaming and crying, poisoned by an infected G tube that kept him alive, but not alive enough.

Bridget

It's something that's talked about a bit in this book. I don't know, maybe it's not my place to have an opinion on it, as like having not had cancer, but I find that a lot of cancer media is like they're so strong, you know, this is their battle, they they won the battle, you know, they tried their best, etc. etc. And I think this book doesn't really fall into that sort of trope, and it sort of shows the grim reality of childhood cancer. And I think this is something that Augustus really struggles with because he wants to make a difference, he wants to be somebody, like capital S somebody. This comes just after he's told Hazel about the results of the scan, and he says, I like this world, I like drinking champagne, I like not smoking, I like the sound of Dutch people speaking Dutch, and now I don't even get a battle, I don't get a fight. And then the next page he's talking about wishing they had been able to go to the museum in Amsterdam, but neither of them can walk through the museum. And he says that he's looked at the collection online before we left. If you were to go, and hopefully someday you will, you would see a lot of paintings of dead people. You'd see Jesus on the cross, and you'd see a dude getting stabbed in the neck, and you'd see people dying at sea and in battle and a parade of martyrs, but not one single cancer kit. Nobody biting it from the plague or smallpox or yellow fever or whatever, because there is no glory in illness. There is no meaning to it, there is no honour in dying of. That was really sad. If you couple that with the scene in the car, and also like when she goes to his house and she goes downstairs and he's like wet the bed and he's just ashamed but too sick to really care about it. The stark reality, the grim reality of it is sort of laid bare. And I I mean I have seen some people having criticisms with this and saying like that they didn't think that he did a good job of writing about cancer, but I disagree.

Laura

I agree. I really loved that section, and I think it was really unflinching, and I'm sure we'll talk about it later, but this is a YA novel, and I love that John Green doesn't soften the blow. Like there's another section earlier in the book when Hazel's in the ICU and she's really unwell, and she says, People talk about the courage of cancer patients, and I do not deny that courage. I had been poked and stabbed and poisoned for years, but still I trod on. But make no mistake, in that moment I would have been very, very happy to die. I just thought this book was so like masterful in the way that, like, yes, there are those really sweet, kind of soppy, like joyful moments, but it just shows so much of the ugliness and like the burden that they both have to bear. Like we talked about earlier, the way that Hazel sort of feels like responsible for Gus's happiness or her parents' happiness as well, is so devastating. There's a couple of sections I highlighted in that vein. The first comes just after Gus touches Hazel. I can't remember, I think he maybe brushes her cheek or puts a hand on her leg or something like that, I've forgotten, and she pulls away and she's kind of confused because she's like, he's attractive, I like him, I know that I like him, but I don't want that, I don't want to do that. Why why is that? There's this really crushing section where Hazel's looking through a tribute page for Caroline Mathers, who is Gus's first girlfriend who died of brain cancer, and she's looking through these updates that were given by Caroline's mum, where she's talking about how she continues to struggle with behavioral problems. She's having anger and frustration, she's not able to speak, you know, we'll update you as soon as we can, and then eventually there's no more updates. The section says, So of course I tensed up when he touched me. To be with him was to hurt him inevitably. And that's what I'd felt as he reached for me. I felt as though I were committing an act of violence against him because I was. Earlier that same night she's been lashing out at her parents, and when her mum asks her what's wrong, she says, I'm like like I'm like a grenade, Mum. I'm a grenade, and at some point I'm gonna blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties. Okay. And then her dad's crying and she goes to her room and then later they come in and the section says, And my dad sat down in my desk chair, and without crying, he said, You are not a grenade. Not to us. Thinking about you dying makes us sad, Hazel, but you are not a grenade. You are amazing. You can't know, sweetie, because you've never had a baby become a brilliant young reader with a side interest in horrible television shows, but the joy you bring us is so much greater than the sadness we feel about your illness.

Bridget

I think this like one of the saddest parts for me, and like something that's kind of stuck with me since I read it the first time, was Hazel overheard her mother before the miracle drug. She was sort of like in and out of it, and her mother was crying into her father's chest, and she says, Mum sobb something into dad's chest that I wish I hadn't heard, and that I hope she never finds out that I did hear. She said, I won't be a mum anymore. It gutted me pretty badly. And like that's what I mean. How like Hazel says these really devastating things, but then just sort of says it in a really simplistic way. It's such a teenager thing to say something so sad and then just be like, Yeah, maybe really sad. She said, I couldn't stop thinking about that during the whole cancer team meeting. I couldn't get it out of my head how she sounded when she said that. Like she would never be okay again, which probably she wouldn't. This thought sort of comes to an end later in the book. It's after Augustus has died, and you know, she's not really eating, and she doesn't really feel like, I don't know, doing anything, and the mother's trying to make her eat to stay healthy. And she says, No, I'm not eating dinner, and I can't stay healthy because I'm not healthy. I am dying, mum. I'm going to die and leave you here alone, and you won't have me to hover around, and you won't be a mother anymore. And I'm sorry, but I can't do anything about it, okay? And she says, Did you hear me say that to your father? Oh god, Hazel, I'm sorry, I was wrong, sweetie. That wasn't true. I said that in a desperate moment. It's not something I believe. As long as either of us is alive, I will be your mother. Even when you die, I will still be your mom, Hazel. I won't stop being your mum. Have you stopped loving Gus? Well then how could I stop loving you? So my god. I think it's really nice for Hazel to find out that her mother has actually been taking classes to get her masters in social work and she wasn't looking at recipes and she wasn't doing paperwork. She was actually doing like assignments and stuff like that. And I think it's a really good thing for Hazel to hear.

Laura

I really feel like I'm lost in the weeds. Like I don't know how to pull this episode together because all I want to do is read quotes and cry. I think it's time to maybe circle back to the kind of brilliance of John Green. I feel like as I was reading this, and certainly as I was like trolling, as I have attested to so many times throughout this episode, as I was trolling through the fantastic FAQ section of his website, I was like, yes, yes, yes, like this is exactly what we're always saying. You've plucked these, like maybe I plucked them straight from his brain. I felt like I was just staring into an endless pit of validation of all the things we're always harping on about with YA fiction. And also I would say, like, book talk adult fiction to a certain extent. You know, yes, it's okay to leave your reader guessing. It's okay to leave things ambiguous. Writers don't need to participate in readers' spaces. He's not like possessed by the characters, they don't take a hold of his body. You know, people were asking, like, what would Hazel do here? Why did Gus do that? And he's like, I don't know, that's just what I wrote.

Bridget

Like, that's just the answer. And also, feel free to make it up yourself.

Laura

Yes. On that note, he's very happy for fanfiction to exist. Someone asked if he thinks that fans imagining their own endings for the Fault in Our Stars is bad, and he says, no, no, no, I love fanfiction. And I love it when people imagine worlds outside of the text for characters. I just think that if I do it, then my opinion would be privileged over other opinions, and people would be like, Well, but John Green said that Isaac miraculously recovered his sight and became a ballet dancer, so that is what happened. And I don't want to close off the reading experience in that way. There were so many questions, and I love that he just included it all, because so many of them were like the same question asked five different ways. One question said, Why don't you answer questions about what happens after the book? You answer so many questions about why Gus and Hazel did specific things or how they felt. Isn't this a double standard? He says, I cannot answer a question about something I intentionally left ambiguous because I intentionally left it ambiguous. And to answer the question would be to undo the thing I spent ten years trying to do, which I don't want to do. I adore you guys, I really do, and I admire your perseverance, but it will never happen. In fact, the more you ask, the less inclined I am to talk about it, because it only further confirms that if I ever offered an answer to that question, my voice would be privileged over the voices of other readers, which I don't want. In another quote, he said, I've said it again and again, the writer's intention is irrelevant. So you decide whether the swing set is just a swing set. You decide whether Augustus' prosthetic leg is just a prosthetic leg. Whether the author intended a symbol or a theme or whatever is irrelevant. If you find that it aids you in your observation and interrogation of the universe, then it succeeds regardless of authorial intent.

Bridget

I think this is the greatest part about reading. You can have this interpretation of the book, and it doesn't have to be right, it doesn't have to be wrong. I think that's one gripe I have with like, I don't know, like the social media scape for books, especially like contemporary romance or new adult romances or whatever. Like we're always being told, no, this is what that means. And there's no space for independent analysis or like independent comprehension. I think that's something that is so fun to do as well, like to have a think about a certain section of a book and think, hmm, I wonder why he he did that. Like in the part where they're on the plane to Amsterdam and they press play on the wrong com at the same time, but Augustus's movie is like three seconds ahead of hers. She tries to watch her own movie, but she can hear Augustus laugh at the jokes before they appear on her screen. And I was like, why is that in the book? And I was really trying to think about trying to come up with some kind of theory about what is that a metaphor for? What's the metaphor? Yeah. Oh, I love that. I didn't even think about that. It's so I didn't I actually didn't really come up with anything good, but it's fun to do.

Laura

I guess he knows something she doesn't know. Yeah, that's true. He's ahead of her.

Bridget

It's not a joke. Yeah. But I think there's something we should be encouraging in authors, like stop telling us everything. Like, give us space to figure things out for ourselves.

Laura

Yeah, yesterday I really had to get off my hate a high horse because I was talking about the spoiler alert off-campus novels. And I was saying, Oh, like this, I've read this first one, I read the deal, but there's this one and this one and this one, and then there's like a fifth one that's like brings together all of the stories, like, where are they now? And I was about to be like, I hate that so much. But the person I was talking to was like, Oh, I love that. I always wonder where they are. And I was like, Okay, suck it back up. But I love nothing more than being like lost in my own imagination. Exactly what you said. Like it's the best part. Just have a think about it. Go for a little thought walk. Yeah, percolate. Yeah. I feel like something that illustrates like the benefits of leaving things ambiguous is like one of the last lines in this book. It's when Hazel's reading the letter that Gus wrote for her. It's that quote, you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers. And Hazel says, I do, Augustus, I do. And I saw a lot of people online speculating that this means they're married. Like they're married, they're symbolically married. Some people were like, Did they literally get married? There was a lot of confusion and excitement. And you know what? Whatever brings you some peace. Yeah. People were foaming at the mouth for a concrete answer to this. But I think it's whatever you want it to be. Yeah. And that's why we read. I know it's rich of me to be like, and that's the beauty of reading on a platform where I'm constantly like, it was good because of XYZ and bad because of blah blah blah. I'm right, you're wrong. Smut sucks, book talks for noobs, whatever. Yeah. Like, I know, but also it's not that serious sometimes. When I'm right. I watched a documentary recently that I would highly recommend. It's called The Librarians, and it's about librarians in the United States fighting against censorship and book bans. And I'm not so sure about the fault now stars, but definitely Looking for Alaska is one of the most highly challenged books on that list. The list of banned books is only compiled by, you know, stupid religious bigots like pushing their own agenda. Like it's not based in any care or concern for the children. And that's shown in the way that they are also, alongside the likes of Looking for Alaska, pulling books like The History of the KKK or like Roe v. Wade, or like I think the Gale Medical Dictionary is like one of the ones that was pulled from the shelves. Some of the commentary from these people was that the content in these books is pornographic. You know, nine-year-olds shouldn't be hearing about penises. And the librarians at the center of this were saying, but like, you know, some nine-year-olds have penises. Like it's not a new thing for them. They need to learn about it somewhere. And I think it's exactly what you were talking about in our Looking for Alaska episode. What would we rather happen? Would we rather them explore it like in this safe, controlled environment of a book where it's like it's not actually really hurting anyone, but it's access to a point of view or information that they might not have otherwise. But teenagers have cancer. Teenagers deal with hard things. And so I just appreciate so much that this doesn't shy away from that. Like it looks it right in the eye and it says the hard things, it says the uncomfortable things, and it doesn't flinch, and it's amazing. And I cried.

Bridget

Yeah, and I think we also need to stop thinking that teenagers are dumb. There's a quote here from John Green answering the question how do you put so much meaning into a book meant for young adults? Teenagers have feelings. Yeah, are their lives meaningless? Yeah. And he says, Teenagers are plenty smart. I don't sit around and worry whether teenagers are smart. I mean, most of the people currently reading The Scarlet Letter and The Great Gatsby are teenagers.

Laura

Yeah, and why is something like The Great Gatsby like deemed um appropriate? Yeah, appropriate or like required read in a classroom. There's plenty of bad stuff in that book. Yeah.

Bridget

I also think like there's a common criticism that like teenagers don't talk like that in this book. And what I have to say to that is why not? Why can't teenagers talk like that? Some of them might. And I think they're interesting characters. I don't want to read a book where people talk the same as they do a normal life. That's boring as shit. Yeah. Oh, this froyo is so young. Oh, do you want to go shopping this afternoon? Love Yochi. So boring. I don't want to read about that. I want to read beautiful writing. I want to read about teen well, I don't really care about teenagers, but I want to read about people feeling big feelings, working their way through it. Like no one's gonna read a book about someone who wakes up in the morning, watches TikTok, gets ready for school, goes to school, comes home, watches more TikTok.

Laura

Boring. Yeah. And then her friends get a series where they do that too.

Bridget

Yeah. And they and then they meet a boy who also likes to watch TikTok and maybe they play some kind of sport. That's boring. I think we should be giving teenagers aspirational characters, smart people, thoughtful people, meaningful stories. It's it's helping them understand the world. And yeah, maybe nine-year-olds should be reading this book, but what nine-year-old would be picking up this book? And if if there was a nine-year-old picking up this book, I would say, where are their parents? Parents need to be held accountable. Anyway, I don't know how we both got on these high horses, but we're always on ones.

Laura

Yep. They are plentally, they they are readily available in our field. We've got a whole ranch. Oh my god. Actually, new dream unlocked. Move to like Wyoming or something, start a ranch, high horse ranch. Oh, that's amazing. It's also a bookshop. And a farm, like a like a farm outlet. Farm's Day. Yes. Come and be morally superior. I think we need to bring it down a notch. Like we're too worked up. I think bring it back to what we really sensed would happen with this episode. I think it's time to just read out quotes and cry some more.

Bridget

Yeah. I think you've already mentioned your first tier. It was on page 34. If I can read the notes right in front of my face correctly.

Laura

When he held her hand, and I just thought, oh, that's right. Something bad happens to him. Oh shit.

Bridget

My first tier was on page 24. Oh. Not to brag. Not to brag. I beat you by 10 pages. But um she's talking about the time when she nearly died before the miracle drug. And she says, I finally ended up in the ICU with pneumonia. And my mom knelt by the side of my bed and said, Are you ready, sweetie? And I told her I was ready. And my dad just kept telling me he loved me in this voice that was not breaking, so much has already broken. And I kept telling him that I loved him too. And everyone was holding hands and I couldn't catch my breath. And my lungs were acting desperate, gasping, pulling me out of the bed, trying to find a position that could get them air. And I was embarrassed by their desperation, disgusted that they wouldn't just let go. And I remember my mum telling me that it was okay, that I was okay, that I would be okay. And my father was trying so hard not to sob that when he did, which was regularly, it was an earthquake. And I remember wanting not to be awake. And I was like, oh okay. So it's gonna go exactly the same as it did last night. And most of that what I just read out was a single sentence. I can't remember the book, but there has been another book publicly put on blast for having a sentence that long. But I think this is the time when you have a sentence like this. When you have something so devastating and like it's just going and going and like it just never, it's never ending. This is the perfect use for that kind of sentence. I think it's stylistic, like she's gasping for air. Yeah.

Laura

One section that really got me choked up was when Gus and Hazel are out to dinner in Amsterdam. Gus is talking about how he sort of does have an idea or belief in some kind of afterlife. He says the oblivion fear is something else. Fear that I won't be able to give anything in exchange for my life. If you don't live a life in service of a greater good, you've got to at least die a death in service of a greater good, you know? And I fear that I won't get either a life or a death that means anything. Hazel's shaking her head, she doesn't agree. Gus says everyone wants to lead an extraordinary life. Not everyone, I said, unable to disguise my annoyance. Are you mad? It's just I said, and then I couldn't finish my sentence. Just I said again, between us flickered the candle. It's really mean of you to say that the only lives that mattered are the ones that are lived for something or die for something. That's a really mean thing to say to me. And I just thought, like the baldness of that language, like that's just mean. It's mean to say that my life, like to sort of imply, even by accident, that my life doesn't mean anything because I'm 16 years old and I'm dying for nothing. Like that was just so heartbreaking and like so heartbreaking, you know, just like how careless we can be with words and how much they can hurt and we don't even know.

Bridget

Ugh. I really enjoyed the relationship between Isaac and Augustus and Hazel. It was like this motley crew ragtag bunch of kids that, you know, had the worst cards dealt to them. So I like those scenes, but also the pre-funeral and the actual funeral scenes were quite devastating to me. Like especially Isaac's speeches at the pre-funeral, Isaac says. I'm telling you, Augustus Waters talked so much that he'd interrupt you at his own funeral. And he was pretentious. Sweet Jesus Christ, that kid never took a piss without pondering the abundant metaphorical resonances of human waste production. And he was vain. I do not believe I have ever met a more physically attractive person who was more acutely aware of his own physical attractiveness. But I will say this, when the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientist to screw off because I do not want to see a world without him. And then Hazel says, I was kind of crying by then, and then Isaac goes on to say, and then having made my rhetorical point, I will put my robot eyes on. Because I mean, with robot eyes, you could probably see through girls' shirts and stuff. Augustus, my friend, Godspeed. And then unfortunately, there was no humour to save me in the actual funeral. Isaac is once again giving a speech, and he says, Other people will be able to tell you funny stories about Gus because he was a funny guy. But let me tell you a serious one. A day after I got my eye cut out, Gus showed up at the hospital. I was blind and heartbroken and didn't want to do anything. And Gus burst into my room and shouted, I have wonderful news. And I was like, I don't really want to hear wonderful news right now. And Gus said, This is wonderful news you want to hear. And I asked him, Fine, what is it? And he said, You were going to live a good and long life filled with great and terrible moments that you cannot even imagine yet. I Isaac couldn't go on, or maybe that was all he had written.

Laura

Stop it, please. One that really killed me, and I thought, God, I hope I never have to feel this feeling. Was when Hazel said, The only person I really wanted to talk to about Augustus Waters' death with was Augustus Waters. Another section said, The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself. As if the things we'd done were less real and important than they had been ours before. Oh my god.

Bridget

Obviously, Augustus' death was very, very sad, but also sometimes he was like, hey, just so you remember, Hazel's gonna die soon too. Yes. I liked the way her parents sort of wanted her to keep living and wanted her to keep making memories. Like they went out and had a picnic for Bastille, and they went to visit Gus's grave, and they, you know, they just kept trying to live life in the best way that they could. On page 305 was a I thought a really sad line for Hazel and like thinking about her sort of impending doom. She said, I miss the future. Obviously, I knew even before his recurrence that I'd never grow old with Augustus Waters. I felt robbed. I would probably never again see the ocean from thirty thousand feet above, so far up that you can't make out the waves or any boats, so that the ocean is a great and endless monolith. I could imagine it, I could remember it, but I couldn't see it again. And it occurred to me that the voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because there is always the thought that everything might be done better and again. That is probably true even if you live to be ninety, although I'm jealous of the people who get to find out for sure. Then again, I'd already lived twice as long as Van Houten's daughter. What he wouldn't give to have a kid die at sixteen. That's enough, actually.

Laura

I need to go for a walk. I have been hanging on by a thread this whole episode because once I get going, it's game over. I hope you will appreciate how hard I'm trying like. It feels like this is gonna be an unusual undertaking for this book, but we're now at the pointy end of the episode. Time to list our favorite, least favourite characters and rate the book lit or shit. So let's start with our favorite characters.

Bridget

I love a manic pixie dream person, so I'm going with Augustus. Okay.

Laura

Um I think that's so fair. I love him to death. The number one Rizzler of 2012. Yeah. You heard it here. I think I'm gonna go with Hazel Grace. It was a pleasure and a pain to be inside her head. It hurt so bad, but it felt so good. Yeah. What about your least favourite character?

Bridget

This is so easy for me. My least favorite character is Caitlin. The friend. She pissed me off so much. I don't know if you listened to any of the audiobooks. No. She had this inexplicable British accent.

Laura

Because she said darling.

Bridget

Yes, she did say darling, and she said awesome sauce.

unknown

Okay.

Bridget

For some stupid reason. She was so irritating. I get she was kind of a good friend to Hazel. Whatever. Hated her. Boo.

Laura

How about you? I mean, it's actually impossible to say because everyone's kind of a nice person to them. Like, even What about Van Houten? Yeah, even Van Houten, like, he's in pain.

Bridget

Yeah. There's a reason.

Laura

Before he realizes there's any sort of reality where these two cancer kids might rock up on his doorstep, he's there giving them good advice. Like that quote where he's telling Gus like he can't impose his will on Hazel, and he has to let her make her own decisions. And he's like giving him the Shakespeare quote, yada yada. I love the assistant. The assistant made me cry at random points as well. The people that applauded them when they kissed in the Anne Frank house, like the nice nurses, even the guy with no balls in the literal heart of literal heart of Jesus. I guess by that logic, I I have to pick Caitlin too. She's so annoying. Or maybe Gus's older sisters. Yeah. For no reason at all. Oh the kids. The kids, Gus's older sisters, kids running around like wanting to use the breathing tubes. But once again, that's on the parents.

unknown

Yeah.

Laura

So maybe it's kids. It's slim pickings, and that is so nice to say. Yeah, that is, it is a really nice thing to say. If anyone's still guessing, they needed to hear it from the mouths of horses. Babes themselves. Mouths of the high horses. The high horses themselves. Never look a high horse in the mouth. Is that the same? We'll cross that high horse when we get to it.

Bridget

The fault in our stars by John Green, in my opinion, is lit. How about you?

Laura

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, in my opinion, is also lit.

Bridget

Wow! I would like to say I had a delightful time reading this. I was devastated, don't get me wrong, but it is good to feel things. It's so nice to feel. And I will just keep saying that until I believe it.

Laura

I'll be back for more.

Bridget

Have your say on what we read next by keeping an eye on the link in our show notes and on our socials. Make sure you subscribe to the show, and if you want to be on the same page as us, follow us atwit.get on Instagram and

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bridget bell

Co-host
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laura morley

Co-host